And we believed that the wedding industry was the ideal market in which to sell anything. Nope, we were mistaken. The baby industry appears to have won this one. You can come up with any idea or concept, and new parents will buy it. particularly overprotective first-time parents. Or the parents who don’t want to be bothered and take the simple (but stupid) route. Here are 32 of the most absurd baby items.

Apptivity Case for Laughing and Learning

Do babies really require iPhones so desperately?

Apptivity Case for Laughing and Learning

Zacky Hand Pillow

When you don’t want to touch your baby but don’t want him or her to notice you’ve left, use this creepy hand pillow.

Zacky Hand Pillow

The Peekaru

This baby snuggie will give the impression that you have an alien inside you.

The Peekaru

The Crying “Analyzer”

This appears to be the best con ever. I only wish I had thought of it sooner.

The Crying “Analyzer”

Baby’s Poop Alarm

By sensing humidity, odor, and temperature changes, this device can notify you of a dirty diaper as soon as it occurs. It’s not difficult to keep the baby clean throughout the day.

Baby’s Poop Alarm

The Daddle

Your child will most likely have moved on by the time you put this on.

The Daddle

The iPotty

I could see this being a successful adult product, but it’s probably not necessary for a toddler.

The iPotty

The Windi gas relievers (aka baby butt plugs)

These gas relieving butt plugs come from the same company that brought you the Snotsucker?

The Windi gas relievers (aka baby butt plugs)

Baby perfume

I never imagined my daughter would require baby perfume. Perhaps she just smells to other people, and I really need to buy this.

Baby perfume

Designer barf bag

Designer barf bag

Baby Bangs

Just wait, and their hair will grow in no time. That’s the way it works.

Baby Bangs

Baby Toupe

Baby Toupee

Placenta Brooch (for easy storage of your placenta)


The Thudguard

Kids bump their heads and get over it. It’s how they learn to be more careful. Don’t protect them from learning.


Snazzy Baby Knee Pads

You might as well put your baby in a bubble with this and the Thudguard.

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Onesie with a built-in mop

When you want to make your child work for his or her food by doing chores.


Baby high heels

Babies can’t even walk yet, so regular shoes aren’t necessary, but high heels are insane.


Pee-Pee Teepees

These are supposed to be used to cover up your boy’s junk during diaper changes in order to prevent accidents. Even though I have a girl, I can tell you that babies move too much for these things to stay on.


Crumb Cap

You should not have had a baby if you are concerned about a messy baby.


Baby Butt Fan

Drying your baby’s buttocks before reapplying a diaper can help reduce diaper rashes. I simply fan myself with the diaper I’m about to put on.


The Kickbee

Every time a kick is detected, this motion-sensing belt tweets on your behalf. Even my closest friends and family, let alone the entire world, I doubt would want that many updates.


NoseFrida the Snotsucker

I’m grossed out by the snot sucking tube, especially the strange noise it makes. For me, a tissue is sufficient.

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Grillz Pacifier


Redneck Pacifier

redneck pacifier

The Baby Lasso



This is ideal for your teething carnivore.

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Gotta Go Mitts

When washing your hands with soap just won’t do.

GGMitt pkg RGB front 800

Tummy Tub

This tub (expensive bucket) is shaped like a womb, which is supposed to ease the baby’s transition into the world. If you want a regular bucket, just buy one.


The bottle holder

This product, inspired by the beer holders seen at every NFL game, is ideal when you’re tired of caring for your child.

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Ride on vacuum

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“It’s a Boy!” Card

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The Crib Dribbler

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